Welcome to one more installment that The Laughing Stork’s Toddlers & Tiaras recaps! This main we’re involvement contestants on your journey to the Lollipops & Gumdrops Pageant in Texas, where the pageant director helps us, um, get a taste that what’s come come:

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“Move over, Pixy Stix,” the director purrs. “Glitz never ever tasted for this reason good.”

I don’t also want to KNOW exactly how long she worked on comes up with that line.

You are watching: Toddlers and tiaras lollipops and gumdrops

THE PLAYERS:


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Crying she can feel the claws the the kitten she was just torturing, er.... Play with


Mackenzie, 6, indigenous Montgomery, Louisiana

The scoop: you just could remember Mackenzie from her last illustration on the show, whereby she acquired instant infamy because that her, um, “independent thinking” and also affection for she “ni-ni,” with estimates such as,”Where’d mine Ni-Ni Goooooo?!,” screamed in ~ a volume level audible to people in Uruguay. Since that most memorable illustration (which additionally sparked rather a conversation here), Mackenzie has been on Anderson Cooper’s talk show and in People magazine, as well as spoofed through Ashley Tisdale on Funny or Die. However don’t worry, folks! every one of this attention hasn’t unable to do to the tiny girl’s head…

“I’m Mackenzie, ns six, and I’m famous,” Mackenzie boasts matter-of-factly.

Lest you inquiry her fame, the pageant director finishes make love to she lollipop long sufficient to wax poetic about Mackenzie’s popularity:

“I recognize Mackenzie has so many fans her surname is tweeting on Twitter,” she says. “That’s large time as soon as you can gain … every little thing that’s called, girlfriend know?”

Indeed.

This week’s highlights: despite her crushing loss in ~ the critical pageant, Mackenzie is as participating as ever, complaining about her fake eyelashes — “MY EYES are SORE!” — and her hair — “FEELS favor NEEDLES IN mine HEAD!” and refusing to practice. “I desire MY NI-NI!” the distressed six-year-old cries for she pacifier. Meanwhile, her mommy retains complete control that the situation by laugh complacently.

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And by “boosting” Mackenzie’s power level (oh yes, that’s just what she needs) with a super-sized Pixy Stick… or three…all of them bigger than an Olsen Twin. After ~ injecting her kid with much more sugar than a Twinkie factory dipped in Sucrose, Mackenzie’s mommy attempts come calm she child prior to going on-stage by holding she hands. Mackenzie instantly recoils.

“I DON’T choose YOU talking TO ME at PAGEANTS!” whines the little girl. And also who deserve to blame her for being embarrassed? She is BFFs with Anderson Cooper now, ~ all. A VIP.

On-stage drama! Mackenzie’s ship is — GASP! — mirroring in the beauty, beauty portion! The camera ZOOMS IN for included effect:

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“Oh mine gosh, she belly’s showing!” exclaims her mom. “Oh mine God. Shoot, shoot, shoot! Shoot, shoot, shoot!”

Orphaned kids of Haiti, action off. Mackenzie’s peek o’ ship is a genuine catastrophe.

Outcome: despite the ship Disaster that 2011 and also an on-stage stumble, the judges room in awe that Mackenzie. “Mackenzie is a star in the glitz world,” gushes one of the judges. “Makes the various other girls step up their game a tiny bit.” Yes, the judges are plainly drinking the Pixy Stix…er, Kool-Aid…because lock crown her Beauty Supreme. Mackenzie accepts that — and also her fans’ adoration — with graciousness as she measures off the stage.

“Okay, seriously, stop hugging me,” she speak an overzealous fan, pushing she away.

Brooke, 10, and Kaylie, 8, indigenous Dubberly, Louisiana

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The scoop: “We’re the hottest glitz sisters!” explain the sisters with trademark Toddlers & Tiaras humility. Humble — and also slightly competitive through each other, notes their dad. Just slightly.

“I want to win Ultimate grand Supreme very badly, so ns going come beat Brooke,” brags Kaylie. “And then, if Brooke start crying, I will certainly beat she to the ground,” she says, making she sister cry.

If that’s not sisterly love, ns don’t understand what is.

Perhaps the sting the sibling rivalry deserve to be softened v a big-ass pageant trailer v their names and faces emblazoned top top the side.

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Well, through somebody’s faces, at least. Theirs? no so sure.

Outcome: Kaylie rocks the stage in spite of never wanting to exercise for pageants, if “Brooke go phenomenal,” follow to one impressed judge. This earns Kaylie a crown for all at once Candywear and also Brooke the Beauty photograph Supreme title. Winners all-around! great thing they have that trailer to haul your crowns back to Louisiana. (Or maybe that’s wherein they make mommy sit?)

Hailey, 9, indigenous Paris, Texas


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Pushing that cart prefer a homeless woman in NY


The scoop: Hailey desires of gift a model-slash-doctor someday. And also with Hailey’s long legs and also well-spoken ways, we deserve to actually think this dream is within she reach. (Warning: Hailey and her mom are ridiculously well-grounded and likable. No sure just how they slipped through casting.) However, she godfather-slash-pageant coach-slash-drag queen, DJ (“Shangela”)…


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Now that's fierce


…has shorter-term purposes for Hailey: to make certain her fake nails space “closer to The genuine Housewives of Beverly Hills, not new Jersey” and increase her fierceness factor with backyard “walk-off” competitions (Hailey wins) and sage advice:

“I desire you to push that cart prefer a homeless mrs in brand-new York. Press it!”

Ugh. And here I’ve been pushing that cart favor a homeless mrs in Los Angeles. No wonder I’ve been gaining weird looks. It’s all around New York homeless females now. That’s what I acquire for analysis outdated issues of InStyle.

Outcome: Hailey overcomes an imperceptible stumble (one that provides her cry, devastated, afterward also though her mom assures she nobody noticed) to totally lug it, ’50s-style, in she candywear routine, earning her the Mini-Supreme title. Back it’s no the highest title the Ultimate cool Supreme, she and also her mommy are appreciative the the honor.

“You need to lose graciously and also win humbly,” smiles Hailey’s mom.

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Oh, is that right, Hailey’s mom? Pssshhh. Obviously, you’ve never watched this show.