I will split this into two parts so friend don’t have to read a wall of text to help, however if you do read the entire thing rather than simply the summarized version you can help me even more by discovering the whole situation and our past. I’m in search of some advice.

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Short version

I have been dating a girl for 2 and also a fifty percent years and also until recently never questioned the reality that ns love her. However within the critical week or so i started having actually feelings again and being practically obsessed v a girl I have a background with (but never dated) who I constantly wanted to date, just before I met my present girlfriend. It’s acquiring to the suggest now where it is literally every I deserve to think around and ns really need some advice top top what to do and also how to resolve it. Remembering just how I felt around this girl has made me question simply how powerful my feelings room for my present girlfriend and things simply don’t seem as "good" in comparison. Ns not sure whether this is a phase i’m going with that I will certainly pass out of and love my girlfriend favor I walk before, or whether I’ve unexpectedly realised I’ve just been telling myself ns love mine girlfriend when my feelings aren’t that strong, or whether what ns really desire is this other girl (who is likewise currently in a relationship). Even though I have actually no idea how she feels about me now. I can’t really talk about this to mine friends as it would sound stupid and like ns trying come hurt mine girlfriend and also split up this other girl and also her boyfriend, and I’m quite ashamed of how I right now feel.


So assist me please someone, i literally lied awake in ~ night not being able to sleep simply running every little thing through mine head and coming out v nothing!




long version

first off, apologies to all who review this because that my spelling and also grammar and probably length. But work v me here.


I’m at this time a couple of weeks off 21, and also been in a healthy and balanced and great relationship with my current and also only girlfriend because that 2 and also a half years now. At assorted times the been long distance for a month or so at a time, as we go to various universities but it"s been great. Yet I’m all of sudden obsessed with one more girl.


Before I began dating mine girlfriend or even knew her, i was accurate infatuated with an additional girl. Let’s speak to her Emma. Currently Emma wake up to be a friend’s sister, i m sorry is actually how we met, ns guess this is a big no no, but never mind together this it s okay worse. I actually started talking to her together a joke, to wind up my friend (in a jokey method as guys do i suppose). Yet pretty easily I discovered she was amazingly good looking (I’m relatively unattractive) and good to speak to. She to be dating some other guy at the time. We just talked come each other for about a month, online, text massage and additionally in human being every various other day or so as we to be at the exact same college. And also I really liked her, and told her so (which was hard for me as I’m very shy). Someday I invited her come a get together in ~ a friend’s house, said I would pick she up as well as her brother, and being that it was an every guys, she was reluctant but came. At the party she obviously met every my friends, who all knew ns was crazy around her and also seemed to get on fine with most of them, however spent most of the night talk to me.


One of mine friends additionally took an attention in her and got she number, i asked him about it and he said he wouldn’t execute anything and also she to be mine (figuratively). I now understand he additionally text she a lot and also went to watch her at residence a couple of times. Ns now additionally know she was reasonably interested in both that us. She then broke up through her boyfriend, that was never serious anyway. She then told me she really preferred me, and I to be going come ask her out the next time I observed her, candid couldn’t think my luck yet a pair of days later on and completely out that the blue, my friend text me and told me he was on his means to see her and also ask she out. I was a little bit taken aback and pretty angry with him, but I’m a nice man so i wished him an excellent luck and also didn’t message Emma before he experienced her come ask she out first

which did cross my mind. I figured if she yes, really did like me (which was difficult for me to believe) she would certainly say no to mine friend as she knew i was interested, but she didn’t, she said yes, and also then message me blaming me because that the situation, saying she assumed I liked her, why would certainly I great my friend an excellent luck. Together it transpires the asked her the end saying ns was fine through it and wished them all the best... No really what I stated or meant. She said yes (she says) as she was placed on the spot and also thought i was no longer interested.


I said her ns was crazy about her and also didn’t median that at all and also really wanted to be v her, she said me the exact same thing and that she would dump my friend and also date me. This additionally never happened but she walk tell mine friend, which made things even much more awkward in between us. He talked her out of that somehow. I then invested the first few months the their relationship still flirting through her and subtly make the efforts to gain her to day me instead, she also flirted and also told me things prefer she had desires where we were together... I beg your pardon is a sure fire means to mess up someone’s head if lock crazy around something...


during these months i was talking to an additional girl online, who occurred to it is in Emma’s ideal friend (which ns didn’t know at the time) and complaining about how lot Emma was screwing v my head and also messing me around, she was kind of a sorry ear to my troubles. Then I discovered out she not only knew Emma but was her finest friend and actually believed Emma was as lot of a bitch together I was describing. I pretty much put my foot down at some point as I assumed they no going to separation up and also this is walk to drive me stunner if I keep talking to her and she keeps telling me she would quite be through me however doing nothing. So i pretty much reduced her the end of mine life still experienced her occasionally around and around but it to be fine. I also got talking more seriously through her ideal friend and also discovered we had a many in common. We met increase a few times and also I asked she on a few dates and she is currently my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. She’s good and increase until around a week earlier I have never questioned exactly how much i love her.


when I began dating mine girlfriend i pretty much shed all my previous feelings because that Emma, we also went on double dates and also things, occasionally I would get a little bit uncomfortable or something would certainly spark an interest for me again briefly, but nothing like what i felt before and also I was more than happy with my girlfriend. Emma broke up v my friend after a year (funnily enough when this friend began dating and broke up an additional mutual friend and also his girlfriend, this is quite a weird story

) ns couldn’t treatment less still. After I gotten rid of myself indigenous the instance I basically determined she couldn’t have liked me that much or as much as I chosen her, it would never have actually worked and also she to be basically making use of me, stringing me follow me in instance it didn’t job-related out v my friend. She even told me she really preferred me and also wanted me come still it is in interested if she ever damaged up v my friend.


She then dated the common friend briefly, they efficiently swapped girlfriends for a while, but that was never ever serious, she then had a rest for about a year and also then is at this time dating one more of my friends and has been for about 6 months, I recognize she isn’t happy though. Because I stopped flirting through her and removed myself indigenous the case I haven’t had actually feelings because that her and I haven’t talked to her much for years.


About a week earlier while me and also my girlfriend to be talking about our at an early stage days, she called me she had actually been consulted by Emma on that to date, me or my friend. And that return Emma had been keener ~ above me, she encourage my friend as he sounded more "her type". I wasn’t angry or anything and I didn’t think something of it, i was more than happy through my girlfriend ~ all. However that night i couldn’t sleep and also spent hours basically reliving all my feelings and also everything i went through with Emma. And also I break up that every little thing was different with she to just how it is v my girlfriend. Also though we never ever dated that felt better, sharper... I don’t really know how to define it. I guess the only method I have the right to even photo it come myself is mine girlfriend is favor the feeling of coming house to a lovely log in fire on a cold night, conversely, Emma is favor the feeling of coming home to a firework screen on a cold night, amazing, however you have to stand out in the cold.


Since climate I’ve been questioning everything. Thinking about the what ifs, reasoning of beginning talking to her again and seeing what happens, possibly asking she if she ever before wonders what would of occurred if she would have dated me instead. Questioning just how much i love my girlfriend as it unexpectedly feels dull and bland in comparison. Even when I’m talk to my girlfriend or v her, my brain is racing trying come put every one of this into perspective. And also once again i’m driving myself crazy end Emma and also I don’t recognize what to do. Ns don’t really desire to talk to mine friends about this as I’m pretty ashamed of how I feel around a friend girlfriend (again) and also so ns guess I’m transforming anonymously to the internet for help.

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I’m at this time thinking of simply letting this operation its course, hope it’s a short obsession and also will disappear again, but what if that doesn’t? ns can’t stay with mine girlfriend if I suddenly realise maybe I don’t love her, i have just encouraged myself i do, and also if ns really loved she it should feel "better" somehow. But I likewise don’t desire to hurt my girlfriend, and also I’m not bold enough, stupid sufficient or ignorant enough to phone call Emma every this and hope she splits up through her boyfriend to date me or also still has feelings because that me. And also that whatever miraculously functions out perfectly and also we live happily ever before after. I’m certain I’ve romanticized and idealized Emma and also what we practically had a good deal, and also I would certainly probably discover I dislike her if I had actually to invest time through her or something! guess the grass always seems greener until you take it the plunge and end up with no grass.


I guess: v I’m just feeling trapped in ~ the moment with no one to speak to, so I’m turning to anyone I deserve to that doesn’t know me because that advice. I know it probably sounds stupid and also childish. It more than likely will for me as well when i look earlier on it and can ultimately be objective. But at the minute it feels genuine enough and also i honestly don"t recognize what come do!